reality douches

Presenting… the nine biggest douches in unscripted television. I’m sure there are glaring omissions here, because I don’t watch that much reality tv. But I had to get these off my chest.

9) Howie Mandell (Deal Or No Deal)
For that facial hair, and for being the host of a moronic show.

8 ) Bryan Baeumler (Disaster DIY)
For removing the balls of husbands. Usually, the wife invites him, and he does everything he can to make her husband feel inadequate.

7) Mike Holmes (Holmes On Homes)
Every episode features a few segments with “concerned” music, where he rails against unfair contractors, implying that he’s the awesome opposite. Nice self-promotion, Mike.

6) Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs)
I’ve never seen his show, but his Ford commercials make me want to punch him.

5) John Walsh (America’s Most Wanted)
Guy acts like he’s an action hero, as opposed to the host of a tv show. Psst, John: the cops are the ones doing the actual work.

4) Edward “Bear” Grylls (Man vs. Wild)
The show is entertaining, but I wish they didn’t pretend the host was ever in any actual danger. Grylls’ dramatic diction only exacerbates the problem. Plus, he ain’t no bear.

3) Jay Heydt (narrator for Rescue Ink)
I love this show for the cute doggies and burly men. But the narrator tries way too hard to sound “gritty”.

2) Ty Pennington (Extreme Makeover Home Edition)
His face and haircut already qualify him for this list, but moreover, the fucker acts like he’s the one personally handing the needy families new homes.

1) Duane Chapman (Dog the Bounty Hunter)
Just look at him, for chrissakes.

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